May 7, 2013
Today is definitely better than yesterday. Though it still takes more time to do things, I feel more resolute than yesterday. I gave my Ninja Jessie a wash on the street, took my dog Penny for a walk, prepared a tri tip steak in the slow cooker, and had Annie’s shells and cheese with yellowing kale from the fridge for lunch. I opened a hospital bill, made phone calls to figure out how to get it paid, and hung up drawings on the wall.
Something triggered negativity somewhere along the line. Probably from dealing with the medical bill. I’ve been thinking about going to the gym since one o’clock, and now it’s past three. While gathering gym clothes, a shoe fell from the rack. I picked it up wishing I didn’t own it and felt a sense of the freedom that comes with owning nothing. Is this why people choose homelessness? The less you own, the less responsibility you have. At this moment I don’t own dignity. That was stripped away in 2001 when FEMA refused to provide my contaminated home with an air purifier.
The dignity comment is somewhat sarcastic. I still have some.
The sun pierces through the San Franciscan fog and I’m about to get on my bike. That’s all the dignity I need right now.