This is the third week after my 9/11 nightmare. I can feel my heart is not beating normally without checking my pulse or touching my chest. I am about to drive roughly 30 miles to pick up a scooter, a 2003 Piaggio BV200. I feel the anxiety rising and I feel depressed at the same time. It’s a recipe for hypervigilance and other unsafe behaviors. I haven’t been sleeping very well.
I wish someone could take a scan of my brain. I want to see what it looks like. What did my brain look like the day before the nightmare? I would be happy to be a brain scholar’s or doctor’s subject.
…a day later
I slept well last night, and a solid 8 hours. I feel alert and well enough to work a high-functioning intelligent job. Now I really want to see a brain scan. How different would scans look between yesterday and today?
To get to the scooter yesterday, I rented a van. Because of my anxiety, I was late for a 10:30 pickup but got out of the house. On the sidewalk, I stopped in the shade and tried regulating the anxiety. My body was stiff, like how we might sleep. I suppose this anxiety had its roots in the nightmare. Fortunately, it worked. I felt calmer afterward, proceeded to the rental location, and brought home the scooter, which I named Constance.