Life with PTSD
I no longer panic in benign situations and rarely have nightmares if at all. I can think of the bodies that fell and be completely calm. But thinking of the people who called Brooklyn Hospital, I am a hot mess. … Continue readingGrief, 20 Years After 9/11
In this video I explain and demonstrate — on a live emotion — how I practice somatic quieting using Emotional Resolution, a methodology for somatic quieting taught by the Emotional Health Institute. For more about somatic quieting, visit somaticquieting.org. This technique is how I healed from post-traumatic stress disorder, which I acquired on the night … Continue readingHow I Healed From PTSD
There is no word to describe how one feels — that is not depression nor grief — during a certain period after suffering exposure to death or threat to life. It is an emptiness that is not numb, yet is not really empty either. There is substance to this emotion that is calm, but it … Continue readingNo Words for Feelings
Today is September 11. Yesterday I felt fine. Happy, even. But when I woke up this morning, part of me did not want to get out of bed. I remembered what day it was and got up feeling agitated. In my body, my muscles were tense. Some mindful attention on the tightness led to a … Continue reading19 Years Later
Post-traumatic stress disorder, the chronic kind, often follows previous traumas. My previous traumas include sexual abuse. While I have had no PTSD symptoms since December 2019 and can safely say I no longer meet the criteria and no longer have the disorder, my body still remembers other traumas. It remembered one today. In 1999, I … Continue readingRemembering Other Pre-PTSD Trauma
A lot has happened since my last post. I tried a few times over the last several months to write posts, but WordPress was failing me and I’ve had next to no energy to do tech troubleshooting. (Had to clear Cloudflare’s cache if anyone wants to know.) In late summer of 2019, I started training … Continue readingFading Symptoms
Sequela is a medical term that refers to a condition that is the result of an illness or injury. As my PTSD has been improving, it has been more difficult to identify any sequelae except for memory problems. But not today. When life is in homeostasis it’s easy for someone with PTSD to forget that … Continue readingPTSD Sequelae Linger
I’m in graduate school to become a licensed clinical mental health counselor. As a Vassar graduate, the work is relatively easy. (Vassar was rated the second-most difficult school to graduate in a survey by US News and World Report back in the 1990s.) But if I don’t have tools in place to accommodate my poor … Continue readingWhat failing working memory looks like
This morning I went to the farmers market to get some greens. When I looked around at what was available, I saw a stand that I bought something from just two days prior. I had bought greens that day, and they were still in the refrigerator. In that moment upon remembering, I realized how much … Continue readingAccepting Memory Limitations
Yesterday was the first 9/11 I didn’t feel angry or depressed since that fateful day. I’m still having trouble sleeping without Penny right next to me. Each night I try letting her sleep by herself, but eventually call her over. And I realize I still have a hard time concentrating on one writing task for … Continue reading9/11 in 2018