Life with PTSD
Out of loneliness, I joined SupportGroups.com, a forum for all kinds of mental and emotional health issues, offered as a free service by a company that is focused on mental health and addiction treatment. More than appease my loneliness, I found people who needed help in the moment. I began offering my help to people … Continue readingPracticing Emotional Regulation Online
I left Brooklyn shortly after Hurricane Sandy devastated parts of the coast of New York and New Jersey in late 2012. I no longer felt safe in my apartment, not because a hurricane could damage it — on the contrary, my building withstands hurricanes — but because I realized how shut off from the world I … Continue readingBrooklyn is Safe Again
Yesterday was 9/11. For the first time in years I didn’t cry or become depressed. I almost cried after seeing an image on Instagram of a guy on a stair-climbing machine at a gym, wearing a firefighter’s uniform in honor of 9/11. I choke and tear up a bit just thinking about it. A few … Continue reading9/11 Victory
PTSD can push us to do things we later regret, like getting into fights. (I don’t regret all the fights I’ve gotten into. Ha ha.) But one regret in particular is bothering me today. A little more than two years after 9/11, my recently-ex boyfriend was in a car accident. I broke up with him because I … Continue readingPTSD Regret
In my previous post, I talked a little about how I tried an indica strain of cannabis, which failed to help me sleep. Since that trial I’ve learned about, and there have been innovations of, non-psychoactive strains of cannabis. In spite of all the emotional regulation I’ve practiced to overcome PTSD, there is only so much therapy … Continue readingCBDa Medicine
Early last week, I had been retraumatized and was mentally exhausted the rest of the week. Though I had worked through feelings of depression, I still had apathy. With apathy, there is no motivation. In PTSD, apathy is not something that comes simply with a situation. It weighs down everything. I was tired, foggy, and wanted death to … Continue readingThe Best Medicine
My new therapist is not like Eamonn. Eamonn would advise me to be careful about being exposed to places that remind me of traumas. That would include New York City. My new therapist advises me to expose myself to locations that remind me of the trauma. I don’t think my new therapist has had PTSD. … Continue readingNot the kind of rollercoaster to ride
Denial is a vacation from reality. For two weeks I traveled with my boyfriend and his kids in Europe. Since we had three days planned on a boat, we decided to leave my service dog in the U.S. at my parents’ house. She’s not a happy swimmer. At the departure airport, I had a bout … Continue readingDenial Vacation
Back home in Brooklyn, I’m still sorting through years of collected stuff. Some of it is junk, some of it is inspiration for creative DIY projects, and some of it is useful or needed but misplaced. It takes a painfully slow time going through it. It doesn’t help also having ADHD. Thinking back pre-9/11, I … Continue readingOverwhelm
I’m still going through papers collected over the years of PTSD-ignorance. I found a notebook that spanned a few years from 2000 through 2001 into 2002. There are no years written, but based on the contents, I can figure out what the years were. One page was a rough sketch of a floor plan for … Continue readingPaper Sorting