Some people experience depression with lethargy and sadness. Anti-depressants may be helpful for these people by assisting how serotonin works in the brain. But not me.
I don’t necessarily feel sadness and often still have energy for certain activities like motorcycle riding and hanging out with a bunch of finance guys. (I’m not really sure why people who work in finance are fun to me, though I do find it easy to sell them copies of my book.) I definitely don’t write much when experiencing depression, which might explain gaps of time between blog posts.
Maybe I’m not aware of sad feelings because of my high level of distractibility. Just flash something shiny. Oooh, shiny! And the sadness disappears.
Sometimes I do feel sadness, like today. First I just felt dizzy and tired. But when trying to take a nap failed, thinking about events this week gave me a reason to feel sad. Then, sadness came. Writing an email to my therapist helped, so I decided to also write a blog post.
Back in 2002 a neurologist wrote a letter to my primary care doctor stating that he thought I had depression because I had trouble sleeping. He prescribed me Zoloft, which I tried but promptly stopped when it made me actually feel depressed.
My therapist says that depression is simply the brain functioning with little activity, or something like that. Because of this, I have been playing games to activate my brain. These games exhaust me and I think help me fall asleep. However, I’m supposed to try new activities each day. Oh, maybe that’s really why I’m depressed.
I wish I could just jump on my bike and ride somewhere. Damn broken finger.