Today is another day of dissociation. I was able to work. But simple day-to-day tasks are hard. As is writing. In a recent dissociated state, just a few minutes ago, I wrote in my head and it seemed eloquent. But now I type and my mind can’t seem to access certain vocabulary. Another time just a few minutes before that episode, my mind tried to work out logistics for getting to an open house of a potential home for my boyfriend to live. Getting somewhere isn’t that difficult, but to me right now, I feel inept. I have a car. I can drive. But the thought of driving, and during rush hour, makes me fearful. I feel better about reserving a small red community-shared electric Scoot.
I took my dog out to the park. On the way back, I felt disconnected: unaware of the time, of my feelings, of responsibilities. I wanted my dog to pull me home, but she mostly heeled. Several times, I stopped only to notice moments later that I was staring into space.
I should leave now. I will fight the inhibition (TIPI isn’t working) and find an electric scooter to take me where I’m supposed to go.