Seeking Enjoyment

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Motorcycle riding was one activity that kept me from going off the deep end of depression. But I sold my last two bikes before moving into a tiny 240 square foot efficiency apartment. They were Gwen and Pinto Bean, a 2009 Triumph Street Triple (675cc) and a 50cc Honda Metropolitan that I restored myself.

Since I haven’t had my own two-wheeler, I’ve been renting little red electric scooters with the same power as a 50cc combustion moped. Scoot Networks offers these scooters by the half hour. But it’s not the same as getting on the freeway at 70 mph.

Recently, however, I learned how much I enjoy tech development. My company had a hackathon where, for three work days, anyone in the company was allowed to work on any project he or she wanted as long as it promoted growth for the company. I developed an idea I have. It involved making flowcharts and a wireframe, or a demo tool to show how my application idea works. It wasn’t really what my company does, though. But it is something that would benefit the company. So now I’m thinking about branching out and creating this application anyway.

Every now and then I need to take a breath and think about what I’m doing and where I am. I had lived in oblivion for more than ten years: out of touch with reality. Now I have a full-time job, an accomplishment of healing from this mental illness. The job is not always enjoyable, and it’s not often rewarding, but it could be.

Until recently, the job was the only thing in life I could handle next to a relationship that has grown from friendship to a committed, romantic partnership. But now I have energy for extra-curriculars. Can’t say that writing about PTSD is enjoyable. I do it to help others.

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