Life with PTSD
A thoughtful co-worker pinged me on Jabber today with a condolent note. “Hang in there,” she added. I hadn’t given much thought to my feelings. But at this conjecture, I realized I was mostly numb to the day. It is as if the darts of reminders over the years have stabbed me enough to grow a scab that was … Continue reading13th Anniversary
Gabapentin has been a game-changing treatment. I had been so dull to what was happening around me that I didn’t realize I felt irritable until there was a conflict with another person. The irritablity became hypervigilance and out of nowhere I went to war. Now I can feel irritability as the medication wears off. The … Continue readingSigns of Diminishing Hypervigilance
There is much sadness along with the news of Robin Williams’ passing. He was one of my favorite comedians, one who seemed down-to-earth and well-liked in his neighborhood of Sea Cliff and around town in San Francisco. My co-worker, Chris, shares this: I don’t know how old I was, but I do remember filming this … Continue readingFarewell, Robin Williams
To get to work back in July 2013, I rode my Ninja 500 on the freeway for a few miles to get to the Caltrain. Riding a motorcycle for 30 miles each way every day is taxing physically and mentally, but 8 miles to the Caltrain station isn’t bad. The first time I rode on the … Continue readingWary Motorcycling on the Freeway
Unfortunately, a PTSD sufferer becomes limited in what can be accomplished. There are countless days when I wish I could have written down what I had experienced. But so many of those times I would try and fail with the inability to form thoughts into words or even put thoughts in order. Thoughts quickly got … Continue readingNew Beginning
July 18, 2014 There was a specific moment on the night of 9-11-01 when I became numb and unable to have normal, healthy feelings. It was during an emergency hotline phone call when the president of Fuji Bank called. In spite of my saying that all patients who came through from Ground Zero had checked … Continue readingReturning Feelings
June 19, 2013 I could pay some bills today, but I probably wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. My mind is so disconnected that I’m not sure what’s real and what exists only in my head. My mental health notes, the crucial ones that explain when I started losing concentration at work, are missing from the hospital’s … Continue readingWhy people choose homelessness
Go the extra mile for people and you will receive in kind, though receipt may come from someone else. In New York, it’s not uncommon for people to give. Givers might be sales or service people looking for more business, but they are also neighbors, friends, and strangers. It because New York City is a … Continue readingMissing NYC
Lately, I’ve been having problems with my memory. There are two unfinished drafts in my WordPress dashboard. Both were started with great ideas, and both lost their way. Whatever the ideas were when the posts were started were quickly forgotten within a couple hundred words. I don’t write as eloquently as when AlphaDog, Get The … Continue readingMemory Failure
I’ve heard people say that one cannot heal from PTSD. That’s ridiculous. The brain is plastic. We can make new neural connections at 80 years old. Healing from PTSD is not easy. And in some cases, like mine, it can take years. But it’s not impossible. A brain that experiences severe trauma or multiple traumas … Continue readingHow to Heal from PTSD